Friday, June 27, 2008

Scattered brain.....

I seemed to have misplaced my book from Maytown so I can't continue with it til I find it :( None the less my mind has been crazy the past couple of days.

Life at Olivet is boring. Of course. I'm still waiting to meet with Dr. J, just to see what he has to say about everything. I'm keeping positive and loving every second of my life :) I got to go walking with Roxanne again yesterday and it's so nice to have the next step of that friendship going. She's an awesome girl who is dealing with a lot of the same issues I am. We get to talk about life and our past (which are quite similar). She's such a positive up-beat person who is always smiling and laughing :) I just love that about her.

I finally got to watch Hitch last night. Ha. All day I had wanted to watch it and sadly I don't own it so I tried downloading it and it wouldn't load. Thankfully my friend had it and we watched it. I'm extremely exhausted though because I was up so late. Ha

I'm heading for home today for the weekend :) I'm excited for that. The church service on Sunday is done by us. :) I'm so looking forward to that and getting to hang out with my mom on saturday morning :) She's super cool.

When I have my devotional book with me I will blog on my devotion from last night, it was so great. It talked about how we long to be satisfied but we never will truly be satisfied until we get to Heaven. Everything I needed to read.

Well this is all for now. Going to work on my Sunday School lesson and what I will be saying on Sunday.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Today's word was Rooted. 6/18/08. Our scripture was Colossians 2:2-7


2My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

6So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

Jody gave this devotion in the morning and he talked about what is means to be rooted. (Obviously). He gave the illustration of a tree. Say you have a baby oak tree that has just been planted, someone my size could come and completely pull it out, sometimes taking it's roots and all. After years of growing and nourishing the tree becomes a HUGE tree that even the largest semi can not budge. That tree didn't grow on it's own, it needed other trees around it and needed food and sunlight. That's how our relationship with Christ should be. We should be so rooted in faith that when small obstacles arise they can't move us and when BIG obstacles come our way our roots don't budge. We can't grow in our walk alone, we need other Christians to walk beside us and we need to feed ourselves with God's word.

We went to a water park with the kids from the Maytown camp. I'm not a big fan of water parks but the kids had a blast and seeing the looks on their faces was worth the cold weather and cold water. After the water park the kids were taken back to Maytown and the interns and youth groups went to Daniel Boone National Park to have a cook out. We fellowshipped with each other, ate some food, played some frisbee, celebrated a birthday and worthship. During worship we got broken into our small groups (not our work groups but a different small group). We were then given 8 pictures (they were amazing photography by the way) and we were told to pick one the represented something in our life. Something we are dwelling on. I wanted to choose all of them, because they all served some purpose in my life. But I settled on the one with an old rusty bike with no wheels on it. This is how my life felt. I've taken the wrong way so many times because I get distracted by something that looks appealing to the eye. I search for God and his direction and get lost, because I see God in all the wrong things, people, and places. But I'm still standing and I just need my master to do a little work in me and hopefully be back on my way. I've just been lost for God, but my life has never been so happy and I'm not sure why it is, but it is.

This night Scott and I got to walk away from the group and talk about all that is going during the trip. We both kind of looked at each other and said "I don't know why I am here." We didn't feel like the youth was getting anything from it and it was almost discouraging. But we keep our heads high and continued on with our work, only to be taken back by the work of God during the rest of the week.

"No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus command my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can even pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

you know what I hate the most.......

about Olivet? No matter where you go...all people talking about is dating and relationships. Who is dating who, who wants to date who,who is engaged now, who broke up. Frankly, I don't care. Even if I was in a relationship I don't want to talk about others relationship and I wouldn't want others to talk about mine. Sometimes I feel like Olivet's motto should be "Education with a marriage purpose". I feel like God gets pushed out of the way so that people can find someone to marry. This is why it would take something/someone special for me to jump into another Olivet relationship. It's all a show here sometimes. I'm quite sick of it.

This is why I feel so spiritually dry at Olivet. I went on a the missions trip last week and felt/sensed God everywhere. Every movement, every word, every action, every breath, the moment I come back to Olivet it's drama, stress and relationships. I don't know where the spirit is on this campus most times. I'm not a fan of our chaplain (thought I don't know many people who are) he does nothing for spiritual growth here. Most of the time I get nothing from chapel because the people around me aren't into it. I just thirst for God and don't know where to turn to find Him. I used a past relationship as my growth with God and it left me dry and wanting more. I want to find God here but it's so hard.

On the plus side of things I ran into Dr.J today :) Seriously if you don't go to Olivet then you are for real missing out. He is like the greatest thing ever, he's like my adopted dad at school. I seriously wouldn't have made it through this year without him. We are meeting this week to chat about everything. I'm anxious to hear his thought about it all and the advice he will give.

Today I saw God in this older man down by the pond. On the way to Perry Farms there is a pond with a gazebo by it and I like to go down there to do my devotionals. There was an older man down there fishing for tadpoles when he started talking to a kid who was there with his cousins. He asked the kid how old he was and he said he was going to be a senior and that he eventually wanted to go to college to be an optometrist, but didn't know if he would ever get there. The man just told him be what you want to be and don't let anyone tell you differently, don't let them tell you no or get in your way. It was so nice to chat with this man about life and what I want to do when I graduate (he told me to find him when I graduate so I could meet his son-in-law for a job). God comes in all the most unlikely places.

"It's all because of Jesus I'm alive
It's because the blood of Jesus Christ
it covers me and raised this dead mans life
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive."


/The word for today...Supreme 6/17/08. The scripture for today was Colossians 1:15-22

"15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. 21Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation"

When Rodney did our devotion for today he asked us what we thought of when we heard the word supreme. One boy from our youth group said, "Honestly, I think of pizza." Others gave out Sunday School answers: royalty,ruling, almighty, etc. But I got stuck on the answer of pizza. You may think I'm crazy but I think we can relate to God as a pizza. God is the ever-knowing almighty he is every layer of our layer. He is the crust which is our basic structure, he formed us into just the right shape and size. He is the sauce which connects who we are to our special gifts and talents he has given to us. Then comes the cheese and all the other toppings (it's a supreme pizza so choose anything you want). The toppings are our God given talents, provided only through God. He shapes us, holds us together and provides us all the right traits to serve Him. When you go to a pizza place and look at the menu they have you cheese pizza, pepperoni pizza, meat lovers, and so forth, but when you come to the Supreme pizza it's usually in BIGGER font to draw your attention to it. Isn't that how God is? We have all these other "gods" and idols who try to get in our way of the top God the ruler of all. God is everything good and wonderful in one person. Kind of like a supreme pizza, it's everything good tasting in one pizza. See I knew this would go a little better than when it started ;)

We spent our 2nd day at the Shepherds and today I met the kids (well Jack's grandchildren). Rachel, Courtney and Bryce, so cute kids who loved the attention they got from all of us. Talking to Jack and his children was very encouraging to hear them just so grateful for everything they had and everything we were doing for them.

My mind has been going crazy this whole week about where my place is in this world. I'm half way done with college and still have no idea where my future is going. I don't even have an idea of what I want to do with my degree once I graduate. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will. My mind has constantly been praying that God will show me direction, give me guidance. I feel so dry here at Olivet. More on this topic will come from another day.

I'm starting to get to know people better, I've spent time talking with Chris and Jody a lot. Crazy guys who have a such a heart for God.

"Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty"

Monday, June 23, 2008

Inside the walk of two college girls.................

So today I have been thinking a lot about relationships. I'm not desperate for one....not actively looking for one (if one happens then it happens but it's not my goal for each day). I've been thinking a lot about what a genuine relationship should be like? The Bible calls men to be the spiritual leader of a relationship and to love his wife (in this case a girlfriend) like Christ loved the church and that means serving them. I wondered what it would be like to really have a relationship like that.

I went walking with my friend Roxanne this evening and without even talking to her about all of this before she brought up relationships and the exact thing I have been thinking about all day. I don't know how many of you have read the Twilight series, I have not but Roxanne has and we talked about the relationship Edward has with the girl in the story (I didn't catch her name). The relationship is so selfless. He doesn't want her to change and when he sees her starting to change he brings it to her attention. He wants her exactly the way she is. She is nervous about leaving her world to become a vampire, and Edward doesn't pressure her to do whatever he wants, he lets her be her own person and make her own decisions. They don't expect anything from each other except being there for one another. It's selfless and they are both not selfish.

Roxanne and I talked for almost 1.5 hours about this and about how reading a story like this leaves us thriving for a guy like that. I want a guy who will be my spiritual leader from day one and not just for a little while. A guy who will want me for me and if he sees me start changing he won't let me, he will be happy with the person I am. Someone who let's be make my own decision and advises me on the way and supports me with my dreams and hopes. A guy who is selfless and not selfish, who knows it takes a lot of work to make a relationship work and who will work to make it last. A guy who even if we live states a part will be genuine and sincere. A guy who is sensitive to our feelings and can handle our temper because he knows he's the only one who can calm it as well. A guy who will challenge me in my faith, make me deepen my beliefs, and will be interested in what God is doing in my life. Someone who will also be my friend and not forget about dating me and won't think too much about the future too fast. We talked about how we don't have to date someone from where we are, because distance makes the heart grow fonder and working for it would be all worth it.

We talked about how we are excited to meet the one we are suppose to marry and but learning to be patient. We aren't in any hurry we just want a guy who is genuine and sincere about being the guy God calls them to be and will fight to keep what they have.

Today I saw God in Roxanne. When we were out talking I just someone who had as much hope as I do. Hope for a future that is God centered and won't settle for anything less. It was so good to have her tonight.


Monday 6/16/08

The word today was Redeemed and our scripture was Colossians 1:9-14.

"9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[b] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14in whom we have redemption,[c] the forgiveness of sins."

This was our first full day in Maytown. We arrived around 7pm the night before and started to meet everyone. We got our first impressions of the interns and the other youth groups.

During worthship/devotion time this night Cj shared with us a story. I'm going to make it short just for the time and length effects.
-A little girl overheard her mother and a neighbor talking about how they didn't have any bread for their families to eat for the night. Even for being young the girl knew she needed to help. So she went down down the road to a family who was wealthy compared to those around them. Everyone in the town knew you didn't ask this family for anything but the little girl was determined. She went to the family and when the wife answered the door the little girl asked for some bread for her family to eat. The lady looked at her and said "Now you know we ain't into the lendin' and borrowin' business." The little girl looked at her and said, "Then give it to them."

That was our challenge for the week. Are we going to lend and borrow ourselves and our services to the people we meet in Maytown and God or are we going to give ourselves? Are we going to serve and help expecting people to give back to us? Or are we going to give and serve because that's what we are called to do?

We spent our first day at our designated work sites and I was fortunate enough to be sent to the Shepherd's home. We went there and met Jack and his family and their 500 dogs. We demolished his bathroom and worked to re-do his living room. My group was so super sweet too. We had Chris (a youth pastor from Peachtree City, Georgia), Erin (a girl in Chris' youth group), Jacob (a youth member from Corydon, Indiana), Zack (also from Corydon, Indiana), Austin (from my youth group), Caroline (from my youth group) and myself. Our leader was Alex May who we soon dubbed as Big Al.

Every night at worthship we started out by being asked...where did you see God today? Every gave answers of how they saw God in other people. I think I'm going to start doing this. When/if I blog at night I will tell where I saw God today. After dinner and worthship we have free time in the rec room. Monday night I spent talking with Jimmy (one of the interns). Jimmy just graduated from Miami University in Ohio and was preparing to leave for Italy in September. Jimmy and I talked about his future plans and he said after Italy he really has no idea. He studied Entrepreneurship and had planned on moving to Colorado to get involved in the ski resort business. Nothing seemed to work with that so he told God to lead him where he needed to go. He spent the past few months doing an internship with Campus Crusade and is now moving to Italy for a year to work for them.

Most of Monday was just spent meeting people and learning a little about each other. It was a good start to what was going to be an amazing week.

"You're the center of the Universe
Everything was made in You, Jesus
Breath of every living thing
Everyone was made for You

You hold everything together
You hold everything together

Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our lives
Be the center of our lives

We lift our eyes to Heaven
We wrap our lives around your life
We lift our eyes to Heaven, to you"

Sunday, June 22, 2008

A reflection....

So I have decided. Starting tomorrow I will blog for each day that I spent in Maytown. Monday=Monday and so on. It will be a week behind but it will give you a glance into the week that changed my life.

i'm back at Olivet now and ready to leave. I feel so dry here. I don't know where the spiritual movement is. I get comfortable here and get comfortable with things and find it hard to keep moving forward. I love this school, the people, the professors and the area, but I find it hard to keep on a onward spiritual track. I don't really have a church here.

After returning from the missions trip I never realized how much I missed my home church. I have fallen in love with the youth and wish I could be there at all times with them.

I told my parents I would stay at Olivet so I suppose I will be here. I'm meeting with Dr. J this week so I can't wait to hear all he has to say about it.

Well my Maytown posts start tomorrow. I miss Maytown so much

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Maytown, Kentucky

I just returned from Maytown, Kentucky and I left my heart there.

I will blog more when I'm not so tired and not trying to upload pictures. But I will put some.

This past week was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. My mind has been stuck on waiting to hear from God, waiting to hear what his direction is for my life, and I went into this week hoping to hear those plans from him. What I got was so much more. It seemed like everyone around me has their life figured out and I was left by myself, however I met some interns this week who were in the same place I am in or have been there before.

I got to spend time speaking with a few of them and it was encouraging to find I wasn't the only one. Jody just finished his first year of college and isn't returning and actually doesn't know where he will be. I found that we were both searching and waiting for some direction from God. I pray God gives us both clear paths for our next move. Allison was freakin sweet and is actually a student at Ball State. BSU is her 4th college because none of the others seemed to be a good fit. Jimmy just graduated and thought he had his whole life planned out. He quickly realized they were his plans and not God's. He planned on moving to Colorado to open a ski/snow boarding resort, but instead he is leaving in a few months to live in Italy for a year with Campus Crusade. Erin also just graduated and is in the process of finding a job. Dan is the same year as me and well he seems to have it figured out. Ha

I dreaded today coming, because I didn't want to leave. Even thought I physically am not in Maytown, my hear is. However my heart spreads other places. It is in Corydon, Indiana and also Peachtree City, Georgia. They became a part of my story and the folks I met from those church are sweet. I'm glad I got the chance to start a friendship with them and look forward to keeping in contact.

I still don't know what my next move is or where I will be a couple months from now, but God does.

More Maytown blogging to come later :)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

just for today.......

Today has been a fun day. I woke up early and went rummage saling with my mother and sister. We bought so many cute things for the baby :) I'm getting super excited for that. It was nice to just spend time with them and enjoy th beautiful weather. After that we went to my niece Madisen's baseball game. She is so cute and really loves playing ball (I say she takes after me). I walked up to the ball park and real loud from the distance I hear someone yell..."AUNT HEATHEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!" and before I realized where it came from my niece Morgen was running full force (well as much force as a 3 year old can have) right at me and jumped right into my arms. This girl brings so much joy to my life (all my nieces do), but she just has a smile and a hug that warms my heart and she reminds me how innocent the world can be.

So for today I remembered the innocence that is around me. And today I realized I don't miss the way things were, I love how things are now. I don't want things to change from here. I sure miss Olivet, but I love home. I'm ready to be back and to see everyone :)

I'm watching the Zent kids today and Mason (age 3) keeps telling me I'm his best friend. Today is a great day. Beautiful sunny weather, not too hott, just right for a summer day. I'm surrounded by the joys and blessings God has given me, and see that my life right now is as perfect as it could get.

There is a dinner tonight at church for those who are going on the missions trip. I'm more than anxious to get on the road tomorrow :) This trip is going to be great, I can't wait to see all God will open my eyes and my heart to. I pray God uses me where he sees most beneficial. I pray that those I (and the others) come in contact with see Christ in us and that our actions and our words reflect the love of our Saviour.

Friday, June 13, 2008

1 Corinthians 13

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I almost didn't blog on this tonight, because well let's face it, love probably isn't my b est issue. But how can you not think about it? How can you not dream about it? How can you not hope that one day you will find it? I thought I found it and it didn't find me. Have I gotten over that feeling? Heavens no, but with time...maybe.

I look at couples all around me (especially at Olivet...because they seem to be everywhere) and I think "one day I will have what they have. I will find that one guy who is crazy about me, and isn't afraid to let the world know it. I will find a guy who loves me for who I am and the God I serve. I will find a guy who will fight for me and for our relationship. I will find that guy who won't let me walk away even when times get hard." Then I think to myself....who am I kidding. I already have a guy like that. Though I may never walk around in public holding his hand, I hold His hand everywhere I go. I have a guy who loves me for the God I serve (because I serve Him) and He would fight for me until his last breath (probably because he already did). I hate the typical "I'm in a relationship with God" rant, because let's face it we all should be in a relationship with God. But shouldn't we all want a relationship that reflects our relationship with God.

Shouldn't we want something that is never changing? Something that only gets better with time. Something that even when times get tough and times are hard we keeping fighting? God never gave up on us, he stayed on the cross until His last breath to give us the life He believes we need. He showed love in the most selfless way possible. I want a love that reflects the love God has for me. I want my love for someone to reflect the love I have for my Saviour. I want something that isn't great and ideal for a while and then when we get comfortable with each other it changes. I don't let myself get to a comfortable state with God, I keep moving forward.

"Love doesn't envy" I try not to want what others have, but I want a love that is a mirror image of my love for Christ and one that reflects the love my S.O has for Christ. Maybe I do have this love thing figured out, maybe I'm just waiting for someone who has it figured out as well.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

A difference.....

I got in to my tangent again tonight with the difference between a "Christian" and a Christ-Follower. For those of you who have heard this tangent, you can by-pass this blog or you can read it if you choose to. My grandfather and I had this conversation, and well I'm not sure if he got all I was saying or not, but he at least listened.

I think the word Christian is a good verb, but a terrible adjective. I don't tell people I'm a Christian, in face I'm almost ashamed when people call me one. In Christian Formation class last semester my prof asked "If you were to stop someone on the street and asked them how they would describe a Christian what would they say?" Everyone gave the typical Sunday School answers: caring, loving, helpful, compassionate. They there was me, the girl who can't keep her mouth shut about anything. I said, "I believe if you asked about a Christian, they would say, hypocritical, judgmental, and greedy, those are just to name a few. However if you asked about a Christ-Follower then you might get compassionate, loving, and caring." If you think about it, it's true. Anyone and everyone claims to be a Christian, celebrities say that because it's what we want to hear, but their actions tell another story. When I think of a Christ-Follower I think of Mother Teresa and Gandhi, just the two most popular. I think of someone who did selfless acts for the love of others and the love of Christ. I see people who didn't stand in the limelight professing their faith, because their actions spoke louder than magazines headlines ever would. I don't find any part of being famous glamorous. They say they are doing a good thing by giving to charity, but the amount they give is nothing compared to what they could give. Look at the church today, and by that I mean look at the churches today. They are so set on who can do what part best, in stead of creating one church that works together to be the body of Christ. God didn't say Baptist give money, Nazarenes feed the hungry, Pentecostals cloth the naked, he called us all to be one body. One denomination shouldn't be one part of the body. The church should be THE body. We are so into fancy high dollar buildings, that we forget the purpose they serve. We are so worried about having an abundance of everything, that we forget about those who have nothing. I think if Jesus was to come back today, he would be ashamed with how his people are living in this world. Would we be able to recognize Jesus? Would we take the time to bow to Him? or would we pass by with the hustle and bustle of our day?

I want to live so that God can call me anywhere and at anytime. I want to be so trusting and so willing that if I got a cal at 2am needing me to be somewhere I would go, knowing that it was for the best. My eyes have been opened a lot these past few days, to a live I was getting on track with, but needed some more forward motion. I am signing at church in a couple weeks with a little girl from the church, and the song we are signing is a little kids praise song, but even at 20 years old it rings true to a life I want to live.

"I'm gonna live so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime
I'm gonna live so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime

I'm gonna work so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime
I'm gonna work so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime

I'm gonna pray so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime
I'm gonna pray so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime

I'm gonna sing so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime
I'm gonna sing so God can use me
anywhere Lord, anytime"

Anywhere Lord and anytime, I am yours. Use me where you see best fit.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

My Jesus

I was leaving my friend a wall posting on facebook the other day when her about me said to check out a song called "My Jesus". Since I love music I figured I would. I looked at the lyrics and fell in love with the song without even listening to it.

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

I want to be like my Jesus instead of looking like everyone else in the world today. Majority of us seem like mirror images of everyone around us. We act a certain way around some people, but when are with people of our past it's so easy to get sucked into their lifestyle. I had this conversation with one of my friends last night. I was with some friends in one om friends hometown and we met some of their friends from High School. The friends from High School were not Christians and it amazed me how fast their mode of conversation could change. My friend who is a strong Christian went to perverted mode real fast, gave into their jokes and crude humor and never thought twice about it. I asked one of my other friends if they noticed and they said yes and I asked...Why are we doing anything about it then? How is sinking down to their level bettering the kingdom of God? How is that being Jesus?

Within the past couple of days I have been spending time with people who I knew but never knew real well, and I have enjoyed every minute I have been with them. I spent last night sharing stories of the past with a girl who knows exactly where I come from because she's been there too. I've spoken to people from back home who I swore (not literally) I would never talk to again. Why? Because I want to be Jesus. I've taken on this whole care free no worries lifestyle and the past few days have been the best I've felt in a while. Let me re-think that. Since the beginning of 2008 life has never been better, I've really felt myself thirsting for God and drawing near to His word. I've found myself meeting new people and starting friendships that I'm so glad to have. I've found myself breaking down barriors and breaking down walls that I never thought would budge. I've found myself loving, everyone around me. But the past few days have just been a sense of peace and calmness. I know God has it under control.

I kind of got of subject with the song, but I'm hoping that this care free - worry free lifestyle is one step closer to being like Jesus. It's hard to be like the coolest man who ever walked the planet. I know I will never perfect it, but with each new day I can try. I love all who near me (and those who aren't), I can forgive those who have hurt me, I can take the time out of my day when someone needs me, I can learn to be a bit more flexible with my schedule (I'm a very planned out girl), I can learn to talk to everyone I pass by (I do if I make eye contact), I can learn to put myself and my feelings on the line. I want to be like my Jesus. I have the most amazing friends and family to keep me guided on that path.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

my dearest.....

Oh my dearest Christen**, how I miss her :)

Christen was my best friend throughout my senior year of high school. We were inseparable, we did everything together and she was an amazing friend. Never thought I would ever lose this girl.

I graduated high school and went on to college (Christen was a HS senior my freshman year of college). Like college can do sometimes it drifted Christen and I apart. I came back to coach HS bowling (she bowled for one of the other teams) and it seemed everything about Christen had changed. She was a proclaimed lesbian, smoking and drinking. I missed my best friend so much, and never realized it until then. I knew then Christen needed my prayers.

I lost touch with her again when I moved to Illinois, but she still was everyday apart of my prayers. I spoke with her beginning of spring semester this past school year and she told me wonderful news. She had quit smoking,drinking, and hadn't touched any illegal drugs in months. She was close to having a full time job and looking to start college in the fall. I knew God was listening to my prayers. I kept in touch with her for a couple weeks and then the semester got busy and I found myself not talking to her again.

I got a text from Christen today :). She is doing well. She got the full time job. Her parents let her move back in and said she could stay as long as she needed until she could pay for her own place. (That is a HUGE deal because things are not usually good between her and her parents). She is looking into going to film production and is still clean from drinking, drugs and smoking. She is still a proclaimed lesbian, but I know that God is still answering my prayers. I am so excited to hear all she has been doing with her life.

God really is a man of His word. He listens even when we think He isn't. I'm so happy to have Him in control on my life now. Never could I imagine turning away again :)

**The name was changed for privacy purposes

Monday, June 2, 2008

The #2 door....

"I [am learning] to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I [am learning] the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4v11-13

Contentment - something I wish this world knew more of. I fail at this many times. (In fact most of my blogs are written as a lesson for myself...not something I'm telling people to learn). It seems to me that everyone around us always wants something more. We are never satisfied with what we have. We measure our success by the possessions we have, not the lives we have touched. We always expect more from people around us instead of being happy with what they give to us, the mark they leave on our lives.

" Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied,
Good is good but could be better

I keep looking, I keep looking for,
I keep looking for something more
I always wondered what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking, looking for something more."
-Sarah Evans

Isn't that how many of us are? We want it all and when we get it we never think it's enough.

As the scripture read I'm learning to be content and I'm learning to be satisfied. When God looks at us, he never wonders what's behind the other door. He never wants more, he just wants it all, he never demands more than our everything. Shouldn't we just want all people can give us? Shouldn't we want to give our all in the name of Jesus?

I'm satisfied with everything I have in my life. (If you would have asked me a couple weeks ago that wouldn't have been the case), but today....I'm grateful for what I have. I don't want to expect more than what I have. In order for me to deserve more shouldn't I give more? God has given me all I need, why should I want for more?

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul, LORD to you surrender
All I have is yours"