Thursday, May 29, 2008

dealing with disasters...

before anyone may get excited about this....I am not going through a disaster ;)

My pastor at church preached on this a couple weeks ago and today I read through James 1 again.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." - James 1:2-3

In the world today it seems so difficult to praise God in all moments. When something goes our way we thank him for the blessings, but when things don't go our way we run to Him for help. Not a bad thing if you ask me, but when we ask God for his help and direction are we fully open to how things can go? and trust that God will make things turn out for the best?
"but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." - James 1:6

I find myself guilty of this a lot. I find no problems asking God for his help but sometimes fail to think things will work. It's not that I don't believe God is incapable, but often wants things to go the way I have planned them. I forget that my plans are nothing compared to God's plans. I'm learning that God gives us test to test our faith in Him. I'm learning to roll with things. Letting God's plans work out for the best of my life :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

psalms 42

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet you God?" verses 1-2

I finished my last blog stating that with all the changing going on it has left me thirsting for more of God. I'm not sure if it's the changing causing this or the changing opening my eyes to this.

I have been reading the book "When God writes your life story" By Eric and Leslie Ludy and it makes me think everytime. To live a truly happy and fulfilled life we must give up control of our mind, our body and our soul. We must learn to live in the direction of someone who knows better than we do. We must become a servant who is willing to bow to the commands of a new ruler.

So often we come to God only when we need Him or need something. We are led by our own desires and plans and simply ask Him to bless them and when he doesn't we think He isn't real or is incapable. When we lay exchange our life for Christ's, we lay down our agendas, dreams, desires, and plans at His feet. We get completely out of the way and allow Him to live His life through us in whatever way He chooses (Ludy, 71).

The life God has planned for us is not something we can accomplish in our own strength. He died to give us a life that is true- full of radiance and righteousness that transforms who we are.

God desired us to learn to love and give of ourselves, then sacrifice out earthly comforts to build His kingdom, then even shed our blood for Him as a statement of the greatest love. Imagine if there was SO MUCH MORE than God had in mind for us than we see modeled in the Christian community today. Imagine is He really did desire us to dream the impossible as little kids and then actually live the impossible as adults.

That's where my hunger is for God, more of Him and his strength to not only dream the impossible but to live the impossible. I have a theory that love can change the world. Many have shot me down saying it is unrealistic and it will never happen. But if the love I share with one person leads them to share love with another person, and etc. then isn't that a part of the world? And if more people with share the love of God then the chain reaction could be something incredible. Mother Teresa loved all and look at the impact she made. I want to radically live outside of this world, but when people hear the word radical, they often think liberal, and Heaver forbid a liberal Christ-follower (which I am not a liberal). Jesus was a radical and I want to be an image of Him.

I'm thirsting for God, for His strength, for others who want make a mark on the world. I am co-leading a missions trip in a few weeks in a poor community in Kentucky. I'm praying that God opens my heart and eyes as I prepare for this trip. I pray that God fills this hunger I have for Him, but that I give all my effort to drawing close to Him.

"Draw me close to you
never let me go
i lay it all down again
to hear you say that i'm your friend
you are my desire
no one else will do
'cause nothing else can take you place
to feel the warmth of you embrace
help me find the way
bring me back to you"

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


I guess it's true: Change is inevitable.

But who knew it would really be such a big part of growing up. I never thought I was afraid of change and now I'm convinced I'm really not (well for the most part).

It seems everything around me is changing. Most of the change is good, some could be bad but for now it seems necessary. I truly believe that some things must fall apart for others to fall into place. Friendships must come to a shaky end in order for more sturdier ones to be built. Trust must be broken in order for us to learn to be more cautious.

We give in. We give up the fight.

I use to have a set out detailed plan of how my life was going to go. For many of you that know me, that isn't surprising. I'm very organized and planned. I hate not being planned for things and last minute changes. But it's something I'm learning to do. Well I spent the last year with no control of how my life was going to go and now my scheduled out life is nowhere near how I imagined, in fact I don't really have any idea of how it will go.

It's changing and it's teaching me. God is teaching me. When you let go of what you want-you finally get it. I wanted something and something different. I handed it to God and I got more than I bargained for. He is teaching me. God and the boy. They are teaching me to just roll with things. Life doesn't always go according as planned. If I'm not willing to accept last minute changes, I'm going to miss out.

I'm learning with these changes. I recently had a friendship not end up the way I thought it would. Trust was broken and times were flaky and fake. Out of it I met girls who I wouldn't trade for the world. I'm sad it took me so long to meet them and grow a friendship with them but at the same time so grateful that I have them now.

A new family is going to be added to my family and that change is something huge in my family. A change we must accommodate for.

God is equipping me for these changes in my life. I fully rely on him, but recently all this changing has left me so thirsty for Him, for the Holy Spirit, for more of God. I need him to rescue me, to teach me, to walk with me. I'm starving for more of Him, I'm reaching out for Him. Things are always changing, but he's the one thing that remains. The only thing I will ever really need.

"I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go?
there's no other name by
which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you"