change...

I guess it's true: Change is inevitable.

But who knew it would really be such a big part of growing up. I never thought I was afraid of change and now I'm convinced I'm really not (well for the most part).

It seems everything around me is changing. Most of the change is good, some could be bad but for now it seems necessary. I truly believe that some things must fall apart for others to fall into place. Friendships must come to a shaky end in order for more sturdier ones to be built. Trust must be broken in order for us to learn to be more cautious.

We give in. We give up the fight.

I use to have a set out detailed plan of how my life was going to go. For many of you that know me, that isn't surprising. I'm very organized and planned. I hate not being planned for things and last minute changes. But it's something I'm learning to do. Well I spent the last year with no control of how my life was going to go and now my scheduled out life is nowhere near how I imagined, in fact I don't really have any idea of how it will go.

It's changing and it's teaching me. God is teaching me. When you let go of what you want-you finally get it. I wanted something and something different. I handed it to God and I got more than I bargained for. He is teaching me. God and the boy. They are teaching me to just roll with things. Life doesn't always go according as planned. If I'm not willing to accept last minute changes, I'm going to miss out.

I'm learning with these changes. I recently had a friendship not end up the way I thought it would. Trust was broken and times were flaky and fake. Out of it I met girls who I wouldn't trade for the world. I'm sad it took me so long to meet them and grow a friendship with them but at the same time so grateful that I have them now.

A new family is going to be added to my family and that change is something huge in my family. A change we must accommodate for.

God is equipping me for these changes in my life. I fully rely on him, but recently all this changing has left me so thirsty for Him, for the Holy Spirit, for more of God. I need him to rescue me, to teach me, to walk with me. I'm starving for more of Him, I'm reaching out for Him. Things are always changing, but he's the one thing that remains. The only thing I will ever really need.


"I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go?
there's no other name by
which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you"